The End.

Summer is quickly coming to a close and though I am sad, I'm thrilled for my second year at UFV to begin. I'm quite nervous, to be honest, but I'm ready to get back into the swing of things and surprisingly excited to be going back to school and for the hussle of it all. I like being busy and being forced to plan my schedule. This whole doing nothing thing is not working out for me.

God is so faithful. It's the most wonderful thing when He comforts His people. There's nothing like it and no words beautiful enough to describe it. Crying in His arms is where I feel most at peace. He listens with such patience and understanding, I feel as if I have no right even being loved in that way. Of course through Christ I do, which astounds me every time I am reminded of it. I love Truth and I love God and what he's revealing to me. I love the challenges that I'm faced with and how through the strength and power of God, I can stand up to the enemy and glorify the Name of Jesus Christ.

I'm praying for this to be a good year. I want His words to be mine, for His heart to influence mine, for his mind to counsel my own. I am not my own, I was not created to live for myself but to die each day for the cause of Christ - to put my own desires aside to live for the one who died for me. His plan is so much better than anything I could ever come up with; He orchestrates with such perfection so that everything is in tune. Each instrument, each voice, each trial, each circumstance, each day is planned in such a way that everything compliments one another; everything is in synch and had harmony. Even the tribulations have meaning and beauty behind them. I love that.

you look past my eyes into a world that I can't see.

maybe in two years from now things will flip around and fall into place but untill then im going to keep you as close as i can. at this point you can only see if you choose not to look with your eyes but your eyelashes frame my favourite color, so open your eyes and let the light in. give me a memory to last a life time, give me a smile i can remember. the clock reads twelve, no sound but the voice of the passing cars. the cold is still biting. i'll pretend to close my eyes.

to mistrust you is wrong. to be afraid is wrong. but that's where I stand. cause from where i'm at, there is something about you that helps me remember that which i spent my whole life denying. you are hands on a clock that i promised not to watch. good advice i never took, long walks in the rain, place i'll never go, a smile i kept to myself for far too long. no matter what i try to recreate, the ending will always be the same. grass is growing slowly over my footprints of doubt and worry.

day four, lots and lots and lots of em

So as you can see below, I have posted a bunch of poetry and prose that I've recently or somewhat recently written. I hope you enjoy it or can relate to something I've said.

It's 1:45 am right now. All I hear is the humming of my laptop and the sound of air crashing. Is it possible to hear air? I think it is. Sometimes it is deafening and I put my hands over my ears hoping silence will overwhelm the sound. Or lack of sound. I'm not sure. Even on quiet nights like this, when there is not even a chilled breeze to frighten my bones, I can still hear the rushing sound. Some days I can see the air molecules, or maybe I'm just crazy. Who knows. But I watch those molecules (or whatever they're called - I'm an english nerd not a science one) fight with each other and I imagine that I am not scared of how insignificently small I am. Sometimes I blow at the air, watching the molecules spin into little fairies. I lay on my bed and watch them, the pale blue sky keeping them close. All this because I can no longer hear the sound of silence.

I'm tempted to post more of my poetry just because I want to get them off of Facebook; however, I think I'll leave some to surprise you with.

Have a good day :)

Felicia.

forgive,

So now you admit that you were wrong. A forced apology and eyes that can't meet mine.You turned your back when you saw that open door to acceptance. Acceptance from who though? Them? The clones? Please. You joined right in with your fellow new friends who insist that artificial is another word for real.You thought that was the way to make it to the top. Congratulations.Your stares and glares and personality change have got you there. You've become the person we used to feel bad for.

As much as I wish I could leave it at that, I can't. Rust glazed over your eyes and you forgot me but I never forgot you. I still haven't. Neither has your Creator.The stars might leave for a few days but they'll be back.The clouds will clear and those stars will be back, brigher than ever. Waiting takes forever - it has so far - but patience through Him will get me there.I'll wait for you. Even if it means going through a few starless nights.

See you then.

This breaking..

You feel like it's the end, that the seams couldn't be torn fast enough?
That it's so hard to breathe because your chest is heavy?
Your fear of change is too clearly visible in your eyes.
Remember.
Every day you are reborn.
Are you the same as Yesterday?
No.
Are you as Tomorrow?
No.
Remember that first breath this morning?
That breath confirmed you are now.
Take a breath. It is in you.
Share it with the world.
Walk with your head to the sky and remember that you are alive.
You are brilliant.